Let The White Heart Beat
by Shinigami Hunter
Summary: Welcome to Hollywood, California. In a business where acting is commonplace, Allen Walker hopes that no one will peel off his mask. But his past will catch up eventually; his happily-ever-after was never meant to be. AU, Yullen, rated M for language.
1. Take One: My Twisted Soul

**Summary:** Welcome to Hollywood, California. In a business where acting is commonplace, Allen Walker hopes that no one will peel off his mask. But his past will catch up eventually; his happily-ever-after was never meant to be. AU, Yullen, rated M for language.

**Pairings:** Kanda/Allen. Side pairings being considered.

**Rating:** M, for language.

**A/N:** Um.. I know.. I'm supposed to be updating _Experimental, Irreplaceable_..... but this plotbunny kicked out the other one and wouldn't leave me alone. *shakes fist at _Skip Beat!_* _Experimental_ should be finished in a few days though. I apologize to all to waited so long for an update, only to get a new story instead. :'D I will make it extra long to compensate, just you wait and see!

As a poor excuse, I'm just now starting to work on college apps. The reason behind this is in some rants on my DeviantART (which I also haven't updated in a long, long time, aside form journal entries), but I'm finishing the last of my Finals testing tomorrow. It's 11:19 PM right now. I wasn't studying. 8)

(It's okay, don't worry, I never study and I haven't failed yet.)

So. Without further ado, let's kickstart this piece of un-beta'd crap so I can go to bed and then work on _Experimental_!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM. I wish I did. Graduation present ftw please? I also do not live in or in any way near Hollywood/Los Angeles, so. Please tell me if my depiction is incorrect. :) (On another note, I also do not watch _Gossip Girl_, so I have no idea what it's about. XD)

* * *

_**Let The White Heart Beat**_

Take One: My Twisted Soul

=(+)=

_August 28, 2009_

_Today, after meeting with the president of my new production agency (a result of last week's audition), I'll be meeting the cast of my next movie __for the first time. I don't know many of them, but I saw Junior's and Li Li's names on the list. I know Junior from another movie I'm in, so I know it will be entertaining at least. Li Li is always a nice girl. We don't talk much, but I see her at some events quite often._

_Other than that, I don't think I'll get along with the rest of the cast. I don't even know why I agreed to begin with. The plot is so childish and morbid. But with society the way it is lately, of course they'd like it._

_This driver is a pain in the ass. His Christmas carols are off-key and off-season. It's nowhere near December, dumbass! Stop howling like a wolf and just concentrate on doing your job!_

=(+)=

The taxi cab pulls up to a stop on the curb of a busy street. People continue to walk by outside the car, unaware of the person sitting inside. Such a thing was commonplace in Hollywood, California.

"Here we are, sonny. That'll be 34 dollars 'n 58 cents."

Closing the notebook, the young man tucks it under one arm and climbs out of the back seat of the car. He reaches into his back pocket and extracts a twenty, a ten, and a five dollar bill from the wallet and hands it over to the mustached driver.

He smiles.

"Keep the change. Thank you for the ride."

Allen Walker watches as the cab pulls away from the curb and heads towards its next destination, probably another lazy bum of a celebrity who can't bear to walk two blocks to their house. He shakes his head, brushing a few strands of peroxide blonde hair from his face and slides the notebook into his duffel back. Turning, he faces the nearly 20-story building, its front emblazoned with a darkly colored sign reading **THE BLACK ORDER**.

One of the largest and most well-known production agencies in California, **The Black Order** is just as their name suggested—they specialize in finding jobs for their talents in the darker side of entertainment. From what Allen heard, most of the talents at The Black Order are.. relatively normal.

Or so he hopes.

Taking a deep breath, he pushes open the glass doors and makes his way towards the reception desk. There's a pair of young women working there, no older than 20, from what he can see. As soon as they see him, they stop what they're doing and stare. Slowly, a bright pink blush creeps up onto both of their faces and they turn away hurriedly, whispering to each other.

"Oh my God—is that.. _Allen Walker_?!"

"It can't be! He can't possibly be joining this place, I refuse to believe it!"

"But—but if he is joining, doesn't that mean we'll see him more often? Up close and.. personal.. oh, dear lord."

_If they really think they're whispering, they need to get their ears checked._

"Um.. Excuse me?"

One of the receptionists snaps around, hands flying to her hair in a wasted attempt to fix it. "Y-yes?" H-how may I help you?"

"Hey, that's not fair!" The other hisses lowly.

"Life's not fair." The first one shoots back, flipping her hair back discreetly.

"Ah, well." Allen decides that it's a better idea to pretend nothing happened. "I have an appointment with The Black Order's president. Could you direct me to his office?"

"Oh, um, he's.. kind of busy right now. He says someone will drop by the lobby to pick you up when he's done."

_Che. That just sounds like an excuse to make me sit here like eye-candy for you two idiots. No thanks._

"I'm really in a bit of a hurry, so I'd like to just meet him in his office. It's already past my appointment time, anyway."

"No, no, we're not allowed to let anyone interrupt him—"

"That's for his secretary to decide, isn't it?" Allen leans against the counter, trying his hardest to keep a smile on. "And you two are just receptionists, so if you don't mind, I'd like some directions to Mr. Li's office."

They can either do as he asked and lose their precious eye-candy, or they can refuse, and Allen can report their lack of responsibility to the president during their meeting. Obviously they still have their wits about them as they choose to grudgingly direct him towards the top of the building. Nevertheless, they didn't stop admiring and staring at him the whole time.

_Morons._

Allen turns and sets off at a brisk pace to the nearest elevator. He's never one to show up late to anything, so he hurries towards his destination as quickly as he can. As it is, he has already been held back by traffic, so hurrying wouldn't make much of a difference. Then again, perhaps the president wouldn't notice.

The trip up didn't seem to be fast enough, but Allen knows that it's just his anxiety speaking. An escalator is probably better—at least he canrun up those. Though if he were to calculate how long it took to find and climb a flight of stairs compared to how long it took an elevator to go up that same floor, the elevator would most certainly be faster. Using the stairs would just give him a sense of accomplishment.

Before he knew it, the elevator reaches the top of the building with a 'ding'. Allen sighs, rubbing at his temples and fixing his slight frown, twisting his lips into a customary polite smile just before the doors slide open.

Two middle-aged men were waiting outside, and he greets them briefly before exiting the elevator. Allen had made it a habit of his to greet people, even if he didn't know them. It makes lasting impressions most of the time and was what had gotten him into his debut movie. They wanted a gentleman to play the supporting male, and they got one.

At that point in time, Allen had never thought about re-entering showbiz, he had decided to get a job and save up money to go back to school. Being presented with a chance to act in a soon-to-be box office hit just seemed like the perfect way to start his savings. He had no idea that he would become a celebrity because of that one movie, and would immediately be invited to take part in similar romances.

But getting new jobs wasn't a bad thing, even if it was in showbiz. He wasn't completely new to the business—he just hadn't been back in a while. While the much-needed break was highly appreciated, he felt that it was making him lose his touch.

Well, that was fine. He was signing into **The Black Order** so he could start a new life. There's no point in carrying over his previous work experiences if he's trying to start anew. His biggest worry is that someone might end up recognizing him from his earlier years of acting. It's not that he's afraid of something like that happening.. but he isn't completely proud of his work back then either.

Even before joining **The Black Order** he was involved with some pretty dark dramas and horror films. He thought he loved it, but when he looked back on it.. it was a rather depressing time in his life.

Perhaps he was making a mistake in joining **The Black Order**, seeing as they also specialized in dark entertainment. But, then again, if it didn't work out, he could leave and find another production agency to join.

Raising a gloved hand, Allen knocks on the mahogany wood underneath the plaque reading 'President Komui Li'.

_Hm.. is Li Li related to the president?_

"Come in!"

After receiving the go-ahead, Allen turns the brass doorknob and pushes on the door.

..Nothing happens.

He pushes again, harder.

Still nothing.

Frowning, he knocks again. "Uh, sir? I.. can't open the door."

"Ah, there's a little obstruction. Just a moment."

There's the sound of something being shuffled and shoved around, exaggerated sounds of effort and strain, before the voice said he could come in again.

So again Allen tries to open the door, but it still doesn't budge. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down and not blow up at the unknown situation beyond this slab of wood.

One violent shove later and Allen Walker yelps as he is buried under stacks and stacks of papers. Never had he imagined a room could be filled with this many sheets of processed tree pulp.

"I'm sorry! I haven't had time to clean up in a long time, it's such a mess in here.. are you alright?"

Allen looks up at the dark-haired Asian man as he wades through the sea of paper towards the boy at the door. His black-rimmed glasses rest on the bridge of his nose, eyebrows furrowed in worry. A white beret is perched innocently on top of his sleek hair.

"I-I'm fine, I think," Allen replies once he is able to, after getting his head above the stretch of endless white.

"I didn't think it would get this deep. Oh! There's much more room at my desk, over here!"

It took a while, but with Komui's help and Allen's merciless shoveling, they make it to the one brown spot in the land of white faxes, memos, and blank forms.

"Hmm. I'll have to get my assistant to clean up someday." Komui sighs, scribbling a quick reminder onto a yellow sticky note and putting it on his lampshade.

"Well then, Allen Walker. Welcome to **The Black Order**!"

=(+)=

_It's livelier than I thought it'd be. The receptionists are idiots, though. There's no need to blush and get all gooey over someone like me. They may as well do that over every newcomer talento that ever existed. It's so stupid._

_I guess the auditions reflect the company. So fucking easy, even a child could pass it. Well, technically, a child **did** pass it. Thank god they didn't ask for parental permission. But why? I put my real age on the application form, aren't they supposed to wonder if I got permission or not? I bet they don't even care, they just want people to sign up and get to work so they can earn money. Fucking rotten people, all they want is profit._

_…_

_Can't this bloody taxi go any faster? I'm going to be late for the cast meeting! Fucking driver! I shouldn't even pay you, taking a long time on purpose just to squeeze some extra money out of me. Fuck, wake up already!_

_…_

_I hate Hollywood. Can't bloody breathe, there's so much fucking smoke and pollution. Goddamned stupid people, don't give a damn about anything but living in luxury. Shit, it wouldn't kill them to just stop driving their gas guzzling cars and look around for a minute. Look at what the bloody fuck they're doing to this city!_

_I swear, as soon as I'm 18, I'm moving out. I just can't stay here any longer than that._

=(+)=

"I'm sorry for being late!"

Allen immediately dips into a bow, his breathing slightly strained as he had just sprinted into the studio. The stupid cab driver was too busy listening to music to notice the changing lights, not even hearing the car horns from behind because of the blaring notes. It took a little prodding from Allen to get him moving again, and by then it was already too late.

Still, he refuses to use that as an excuse, and only hopes that the director will go easy on him. He is, after all, a "newcomer" in show business.

When he receives no response, Allen tips his head up slightly, and his breath almost stops at the person in front of him.

_Well.. today must be my bloody lucky day. Could it get any worse?_

Cross Marian regards the young actor silently with a single amber eye, the other hidden under a strange half-mask. He adjusts his glasses and sits up, surveying the rest of the cast members with a fleeting glance. Frowning, he sighs in frustration, though whether it's because Allen arrived late or because of something else, the boy doesn't know.

"Alright, kid. The only reason I'm not threatening to fire you is because you're a newbie, and there's no other fucking actor who is willing or has the ability to pull off the role you have," he growls tersely, shoving a finger in Allen's surprised face. "However, that does not mean that I will hesitate to make your life a living hell if you dick around. Got that?"

"Er," Allen swallows and straightens up, giving the man a small nod. "Yes sir. It won't happen again."

"Glad we understand each other." Cross stands up and nudges the boy aside. "Well then, now that we're all finally present and accounted for, let's stop the chatter and begin the script reading."

Allen scuttles over to the empty seat between Linali Li and a dark-haired Japanese male, offering both of them a small smile before sitting down.

"I'm Li Li, but Linali is fine." Linali smiled joyfully, extending her hand for a shake. "The redhead idiot behind me is Lavi, and the grouch over there is Kanda. Nice to work with you, Allen."

Allen only smiles, taking her hand and placing a kiss on the back of it.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Linali."

The woman giggles but is otherwise unaffected by his action. Good. Allen really doesn't want to act with another copy of Rou Fa, even if she's as sweet as can be.

Another hand presents itself abruptly in Allen's face from the seat next to Linali's. Lavi grins.

"Wanna kiss mine too?"

"Not a chance!"

Allen laughs along with the redhead. They've met before, so there's no offense taken on either side.

"Who'd want to kiss your hand? That's fucking disgusting." The man known as Kanda scoffs, flipping a page of the script in his hands.

Allen resists the urge to roll his eyes at this behavior; it's rather common in the business, and he's been through it before. He knows how to deal with it, and offers a handshake anyway, despite that he knows the man will probably refuse.

"It's a joy to meet you too, Kanda."

Kanda stares at the proffered limb as though it's the sole remaining carrier of the Black Plague itself. His nose scrunches and he sniffs indignantly, turning away.

"Che. I don't shake hands with freaks."

Allen was not, however, expecting something like _that_.

_Why, that bloody little—_

"Be nice, Kanda. No picking on Allen, okay?" Linali smiles unperturbed. Kanda must always been like this, then. "You can do it on set as Rex. Wouldn't want Cross to get on your case about it, right?"

"Hell yeah," Kanda mutters rather unenthusiastically. "I get to tell off the world's most popular new young actor. _Whoop-dee-fucking-doo_."

"Hey, Kanda, this is not _Gossip Girl_. Shut the hell up and pay attention," Cross barks through the makeshift megaphone. A handful of the extras at the table giggle, particularly the females, because of Kanda's irate glare. "You too, ladies."

They stop immediately.

"Much better. I understand that most of you are quite young, but we're all adults here—put your hand down, Walker, we know you're not legal yet—so I expect all of you to behave like adults. Granted, some foolery is fine for lightening up the mood. We've got a pretty dark one on our hands, after all."

Raking a gloved hand through his long crimson hair, Cross tosses his copy of the script onto the table and continues speaking.

"Basically, it's a story of twisted revenge, a screwed up love complex with an ex-lover, a childhood friend, and a sadist thrown into the mix. Most of the lines are improvised on the spot; they won't be the same as the original movie. The plot will be similar.. but obviously that will be slightly different as well." Cross pauses, eyeing the seated people over his glasses.

"We are not remaking _Sinking Darkness_. We are filming a movie that will surpass anything that _Sinking Darkness_ is and could ever be. Any more questions?"

And Kanda, being the superb bastard that he is, waves a rolled up script in the air, not even waiting to be called on (well, it's not like they're still in elementary school).

"Yeah, I got one. Um, why do you act like you're so fucking awesome even though you're not?"

Unfazed, Cross shoots an answer right back at him.

"Don't flatter me, that's just how you see yourself in other people, Jap. Next!"

=(+)=

_That shitty jackass—mother fucking **bastard**! How dare he call me a freak?! I even took the time to put on makeup so my scar wouldn't scare those spineless idiots away! Alright, so my hair is naturally white, but he shouldn't know that, and I already dyed it brown and re-bleached it. What the fuck is his problem?! My god I want to just strangle him with that hair of his! Such a bloody pain in the ass, throughout the whole reading, all those stupidly snide remarks—though they were rather amusing—it gets on my nerves!_

_Hell.. thank god it was only script reading today. I don't think I would've been able to handle acting after he.. called me a.. **freak**…_

_Fuck, I want to kill him all over again._

_It's going to suck in the first few scenes with Rex.. we don't have much dialogue together, and I doubt he'd say anything to someone he obviously hates, even if he **is** an actor. I'd say it's fine with me, though. I can blame it on him for not being able to get into character since he won't be acting seriously._

_So fucking simple to kick someone out of their role. He doesn't know who he's dealing with, that Yuu Kanda._

_I'll make him wish he was never a jackass to anyone. Although I really don't want to get into my role that much.. I think I'll have a lot of fun torturing Rex._

_Now if only that Cross would let me do those things...  
_

=(+)=

The pen scratches across paper, black lines contrasting deeply with the starch white sheet...

He reaches the end of the page and sets the pen down, pushing back in his chair...

He closes the notebook...

He turns off the lamp...

He goes to bed, his heart heavy with self-loathing.

For feeling such hatred towards a man he's only just met...

He is disgusted with himself.

Tomorrow will be a long, long day for Allen Walker.


	2. Take Two: My Tainted Hands

**Rating:** T. I don't think there's any cursing.. maybe.

**A/N:** Ugghhh. I. I'm really disappointed in this chapter. Really. Really disappointed. It's short. It's.. I don't know, I just don't like how it turned out. Very unsatisfied with it, but I have no idea how to make it better. I've been staring at it for weeks, and weeks turned to months, and, well, here we are. Just barely 2100 words.

_Ugh._

Well, at least I finally managed to stop beating myself over the head and just.. publish it. Apologies for any crappiness in this chapter. ;w; I'm very ashamed of it.

Maybe it's just the fact that I feel weird writing a scene with acting in it...

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT OWN. 8)

P.S.: Is anyone besides me really hating the new document editor? It's so annoying! It reversed all my italics so that the normal font was italicized and italicized font was normal. :||||| thankfully I didn't have much italics in this chapter, so it wasn't too bad, but, really, _wtf_!_  
_

_**

* * *

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_**Let The White Heart Beat**_

Take Two: My Tainted Hands

=(+)=

_August 16, 2009_

_Today we started filming. My first scene was with Linali and Kanda made his entrance._

_I wondered if I could've forced him to make a mistake this early on in the shooting._

=(+)=

The silent whirring of the camera was the only indication of movement as the camera man slowly eases closer. Allen and Linali sit at a dainty round table, drinking coffee in front of a relatively empty café.

"..Well, this is quite the pleasant surprise." Allen smiles, giving Linali an appraising look over the rim of his coffee cup. "I didn't expect to see you again so soon, Linde."

"It must be fate," Linali replies with a hint of a tease and a light giggle. "What were you doing in England?"

"Visiting some.. relatives. I haven't seen them in a while." He muses thoughtfully, taking a sip of dark coffee. "What about you?"

"Ah, just sightseeing. I had some vacation time, so I thought I'd take a look around England. I even met one of my childhood friends there!"

"That's great," Allen laughs, drawing on the conversation from there. His mind works on automatic, detaching the character 'Aaron' from 'Allen' and allowing him to continue his own line of thoughts while the filming continues.

…Not that he has many thoughts to dwell on in the first place. Allen usually focuses fully on acting when he's on set, but sometimes he just wants to.. well, not focus on acting. It's not like he has trouble with it anyway, otherwise he wouldn't have become an actor to begin with.

But, then again, some people become actors because they like the challenge that comes with acting.

…Acting.

It's as easy as icing on a fucking cake.

Just before his concentration slips, Allen pastes on another smile and laughs in response to a joke from Linali. He doesn't know what it is, but as he's 'Aaron', the gentleman, he must find ways to flatter her no matter how. Even if it means laughing at corny jokes.

That's fine. Allen does it every day.

A flicker of movement nearly catches his attention. It's just Kanda walking towards them. Allen isn't supposed to look over, but he can't help it. Linali turns away to order some more coffee, and the young actor takes his chance to look at the passing Japanese man.

Linali turns back around and the gentle smile is flashing once more, as though nothing has happened.

Time flies. He doesn't pay attention to what he's saying, reacting on instinct in the way he's trained himself to. Smile. Just keep smiling, and be polite.

It's simple, yet so difficult.

Taking a napkin, Allen neatly scrawls down a set of numbers—his phone number –and hands it over to Linali, who takes it with a faint blush. She's talented, to pull off something like that.

"Call me whether you're available or not and give me a heads up, alright?"

He smiles amiably. Linali nods.

"Then, goodbye. Hopefully we'll meet again."

He stands from his seat and starts away, only able to take a few steps before bumping into someone. An apology immediately flits up to Allen's throat and dies there, squashed by his consciousness as an actor.

He glances up into Kanda's impassive face.

Allen, in contrast to what most people believe he can do, smirks. Just because.

Kanda scowls in response.

"My apologies." Allen's smile widens as he brushes Kanda aside, continuing on his happy way down the street.

He feels the older man's piercing gaze on his back, but he doesn't turn around. It's tempting to keep mocking Kanda, but he can't, not now. Not yet.

It's a challenge, switching personalities like this, one that Allen fully accepts to the core of his very being—

Not because he enjoys this kind of challenge, no. He never enjoys it. He hates it.

He accepts it because it's the only thing holding him up right now.

And it sends shivers up his spine to know that his reluctant career could be destroyed at any moment if he loses control.

But that's why he keeps going. To see how long he can keep it up.

=(+)=

"Hey, Allen," Linali greets him as he exits his dressing room, patting his hair in place. Not that it really matters, but wearing that brown wig messed it up and he'd rather it didn't fly all over the place. "Do you have any free time today?"

"Ah.. I have work, actually. Sorry, Linali." Allen smiles apologetically, adjusting the strap of his duffel bag.

"Oh, okay, then. I was wondering if you wanted to.." She trails off thoughtfully, staring at something behind him.

"Forget it, Li, it's not worth it." Kanda grumbles, arms crossed. He taps his foot impatiently, leaning against the wall near the exit with Lavi. "He's not worth it."

"You say something, Yuu?"

"No. Shut up, rabbit."

"..Well, never mind," Linali concedes, slinging her back onto the other shoulder. "We can try it another time!"

He's about to ask what she wanted to try but decides against it. He'll probably find out tomorrow.

"Allen Walker."

Allen pauses, looking back at the director beckoning him over. He gives Linali a smile, a fleeting glance at Lavi and Kanda, and turns to see what Cross wants.

"Get in the dressing room. We need to talk."

Allen knows better than to argue with Cross Marian, so he does as told and shuffles into his own dressing room, setting his duffle bag onto the table. He shoulders drop, his back unstraightens, and he sighs in relief as he rolls his neck from side to side. Collapsing into a chair, the young actor yawns openly, stretching his arms as though he's been cooped up in a car all day long.

Well, in his opinion, he may as well have been.

"Still doing that, I see." Cross comments from the doorway, lighting up another cigarette. The silver lighter lands on the dresser with a dull 'thunk'. Allen watches it skid an inch or two across the wood before looking up when it stops. "Why?"

He averts his gaze. To be honest, he's never talked much with Cross Marian, even if the man is technically his official guardian. He used to live in Cross's house, actually, but he moved after the long-haired man found out about Allen's.. problem. Not that Cross kicked him out. He decided to leave himself. Allen hates drunkards, anyway.

He hasn't seen Cross in years, much less talked to him. Allen does send the occasional letter, though, just to remind the man that he's still very much alive and breathing.

"..It's easier. For me, I mean."

Cross will never understand how pretending to be polite can possibly be easier than just being true to yourself. Allen's always been a strange one to him.

"Your acting's lacking." Cross is blunt and gets straight-to-the-point. He wastes no time with metaphorical detours and roadblocks, he plows straight through them. That includes real roadblocks, too. "I'll let it go for now, since it matches Aaron's role at the moment. Get serious, kid."

"I was doing it on purpose, Cross. Of course I'll be serious when it gets to that part."

"I'm not talking about just that, I mean making the romance look real. I don't care if the movie doesn't focus on it so much, but I'll be damned before I have this kind of thing on my set."

"I know, I know, you don't have to say it a hundred times." Allen sighs in frustration. He's heard this before, and he hates hearing it over and over again. It's the speech Cross has at the beginning of just about all of the movies he's filmed. Allen watches them at the end of the DVDs the man sends him. "I've done this before. I'm not losing my touch."

"Good to know that." The director inhales, breathing out a stream of smoke into the air. He lets the cigarette hang limply from his mouth for a moment before speaking again. "Just don't fuck it up for your own purposes."

Allen rolls his eyes.

"Wouldn't even dream of it."

_If he only knew…_

=(+)=

"You shouldn't be so mean to him, Kanda." Linali muses, smiling as she waves to Lavi heading in the other direction. He takes the bus. And he lives nearby, in any case. Lucky.

Kanda says nothing. Linali isn't surprised; he rarely ever acknowledges anyone, except maybe a handful of seniors.

She sighs.

"..What if he quits? There's no one who can play Aaron, we can't find one that quickly!"

"Shut up, geez," the Japanese growls, reaching over to buckle Linali's seatbelt since she seems too distracted to do it herself. He doesn't want a ticket. "That brat won't quit over something like that."

"How do you know?"

_"He won't quit."_

"..What makes you so sure?"

Kanda keeps silent, tapping a finger against the steering wheel as he pulls onto main street and steps on the gas. Linali crosses her arms in a huff. He knows nothing will make Kanda change his ways, but she really doesn't like him scaring away the nice coworkers. Between her brother, Komui, and Kanda, Linali doesn't think she'll ever get close enough to a guy to start a relationship!

..Lavi doesn't count.

"He's got pride."

Linali clinks, looking over her best friend (well, one of them).

"You can see it in his eyes. He hates losing."

"..He didn't seem that way to me."

"Then don't fucking worry about it," he snaps, blaring the horn at the idiot who dared cut in front of him. "And stop talking to me if you want to make it home alive."

Linali smiles a little, knowing that, in spite of Kanda's seemingly horrible driving, he'd rather commit seppuku than let Linali die in a car accident. If she did end up dying that way, he'd make sure it wasn't his fault. That, or kill himself as well. Being dead was better than putting up with Komui's wrath.

Hypothetically speaking, of course. It's never something to laugh about. But what's life without some funny moments?

Kanda for his part manages to at least stay in his lane for the rest of the way, leaving it only to take a right turn onto Linali's street. He pulls up to the condo with more speed than necessary and pulls the brakes.

"Thanks, Kanda."

He only grunts a reply, waiting until the Chinese girl is safely inside her shared condo before pulling away and speeding off down the road again. To be honest, he's a bit glad that the brat had plans, otherwise Kanda would've been dragged along, and then he would've missed his college class.

It's tough, acting and juggling school at the same time, but Kanda wouldn't trade it for the world. Well, maybe he would. The world's a big thing to get in return. As Emilia once said, "who would not make her husband a cuckold to make him a monarch?"

Kanda frowns, remembering the meeting with a stunted, peroxide-haired brat with muddy brown eyes. Kanda won't call himself an expert, he's good at discerning human emotions based on miniscule details. The twitch of a lip, the wrinkles of the eyes, a creasing brow.

And he doesn't like what he sees in the eyes of Allen Walker. The will to not lose, to keep pushing through and do his best. His acting abilities. It's only the first day, but Kanda has to give him some credit. He's good.

His eyes, though.

It's not pride. It's something much worse.

Pride is easily broken.

…Hatred is not.

=(+)=

_August 16, 2009 (cont.)_

_Filming went.. well. Kanda's a better actor than I thought. He's serious. It'll be hard to ruin him. But that's what will make the end result so much more fun to witness._

_If he thinks I'm a rookie, that's fine with me. I don't have any pride as an actor, so it won't bother me. I'll show him up so bad, he won't even know what slapped him in the face._

_I can't wait to bring him to his knees._

_P.S.: Schedule appointment with Dr. Frederico._

=(+)=

He smiles, grimly, clenching a fist above the paper.

He doesn't feel as guilty, but his heart still throbs, and his mind still aches,

and still he prays,

"_Please, God, please,_

_let me hold on just a little bit longer._

_I have to keep walking…_

_Mana…_

_I'm sorry…_

_…I love you._"


End file.
